The Great Juggling Act: 

How to Nurture Your Relationship While Balancing Work, Parenting, and the Demands of Modern Life

By Grace Guyton, LMFT

If you’re balancing work, raising children, and trying to maintain your relationship with your partner, you know all too well the feeling of being pulled in multiple directions and never feeling like you have enough time to do everything you want or need.  Parenting in and of itself is a full time gig, no matter how much time you’re actually with your kids.  As more parents are working full-time jobs outside the home the strain on relationships is acutely felt.  

As a therapist, I’ve listened to countless individuals and couples grapple with the endless to-do lists, competing demands and schedules, and having to constantly choose which person or unit in the family gets priority.  Most couples rarely find that elusive balance and often feel that their relationship gets pushed to the back burner.  

Once you become a parent, everything about your life changes. Your schedule and routines, household tasks, your identity, family dynamics, and more.   And while the transition to parenthood is full of joyful moments, it’s also incredibly stressful and overwhelming for many parents. Research shows that nearly two thirds of couples express a decrease in their relationship satisfaction during the first three years of their child’s life.  If this is the season of life you're in wondering why things feel different  know that you’re not alone.  

Even after this initial transition, however, many couples find themselves grappling with the juggling act of parenting, work, and maintaining their relationship with their partner.  The desire, connection, and intimacy they once shared has been replaced by conversations about school pick-up, meal planning, and who’s going to take Johnny to his doctor’s appointment. For many couples, this is an unintentional shift that happens slowly over time.  For some, it’s a reflection of the season of life they’re in, and for others it seems like a constant dance that they can never quite figure out the moves to.

Wherever you may find yourself, below are some concrete ideas to help you and your partner strengthen your connection.  

Identify Values and Priorities

Every individual, couple, and family has a different set of values and priorities that guide their lives.  However, we often don’t have a very explicit idea of what these are. Or, we find a misalignment between what we say and what we do. Having a clear sense of what your values and priorities are act as guideposts in organizing and setting the tone for your family.  Maybe you realize that having multiple extracurriculars for your kids every day doesn’t actually align with your values.  Or, that success isn’t defined by working 60 hours a week.  Take some time with your partner to evaluate what is most important to you and whether your life reflects that. 

Set Boundaries Between Work and Home

Oh, I’ll just finish replying to these emails at home.  After the kids are in bed, I can sneak in one more hour of work. While work creep may feel harmless, having clear boundaries between work and home is a great way to prevent work from getting in the way of time with your kids or partner. Separating work and family time can help your kids and partner to feel prioritized.  So, set specific work hours and stick to them.  If you work from home, designate a part of the home as your office and don’t let it bleed into other areas. If needed, try to communicate your boundaries with your employer so that they know what to expect.

Rely on Outside Help

The old adage “it takes a village” isn’t just a silly saying.  It truly does take the work of parents, family, neighbors, teachers, etc. to raise a child.  While everyone’s situation is different, don’t be shy to ask others for help so that you can get some time for yourself or with your partner.  Whether it’s reaching out to grandparents, a babysitter, a loving neighbor, friends, or arranging a play date, having a network of people to rely on can not only give you emotional support, but can also give you the time and space to connect with your partner. 

Delegate and Share Responsibilities

Raising children should be a shared responsibility!  Communicate with your partner about household and parenting tasks and divide them up based on time, interest, and skill.  Certain tasks require more time or energy than others, so try to establish a division of labor that feels equitable, not necessarily equal. Creating a balanced load can help prevent burnout and keep resentment from creeping in. 

Schedule Time Together

One of the biggest shifts of parenting is the loss of spontaneity.  Between busy days and sleepless nights, impromptu quality time with your partner can quietly vanish.  One way to ensure you have time together is to make it routine and get creative!  Maybe it’s hard to go out in the evenings, but what about a coffee or lunch date?  Maybe a babysitter isn’t in the budget, but a walk around the block, an at-home movie night, or a glass of wine on the couch is.  When you come up with some possibilities, get it on the calendar.  Just as if you were scheduling a meeting for work, block it off and stick to it.  Treat it as sacred.  

Establish Phone-Free Time

Phones have become integrated in almost every part of our life.  While they offer many benefits, they can also take us out of the moment and hinder our connection with our partner.  Whether you find yourself reaching for your phone at the dinner table, while watching a show together, or during a conversation, being on our phones can easily create a wedge between partners.  Carve out times during the day when phones are off-limits.  Maybe it’s during dinner or after the kids go to bed, but set down your device and instead use that time to do something with your partner.  Do a puzzle, cook, play a game, even folding laundry can give you the opportunity to have real conversations where you’re able to connect on a deeper emotional level. 

While the demands of parenting, relationships, and work can feel overwhelming, carving out intentional time to nurture your relationship is not only a great way for you and your partner to feel more connected, it’s also helpful in creating a stronger and more resilient bond that will help you weather stormy seasons together.  

If you need more support in helping to strengthen your relationship, reach out to a professional for help.  To learn more about me and how I help clients build healthy, sustainable relationships click here.